i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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