I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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