Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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