bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
