For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Holy sore nipples Batman
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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