wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Randomize
