My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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