Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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