You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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