I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
