The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
The air taste purple.
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