My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
