I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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