Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
