Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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