It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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