Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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