Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
