On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
