why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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