It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
