Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
