So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
