My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Did I show you my penis last night?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Randomize
