we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
