I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
There's always time for handjobs
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You may now shotgun with the bride
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
