mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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