I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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