im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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