If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
