apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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