i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
