Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
