When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
