What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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