Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
