I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
