why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
