Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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