It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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