All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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