I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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