Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
