I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
