i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
