I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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