i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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