I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
