you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
