Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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