Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
