I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
