best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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