I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
