fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
