I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize