please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
