dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
We need to rekindle our bromance
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
