$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
