What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
