brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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