He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
