i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
