professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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