She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
