I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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