I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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