Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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