I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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