After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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