dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
