It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
