Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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