if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
