Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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