I faked an abortion last night.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize