the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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