They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
