I can't breathe out the right side of my face
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
