I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize