we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
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