We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Randomize
