Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
