Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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