I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
