its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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