Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize