It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
